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Blog

Blog
“If you read someone else’s diary, you get what you deserve.” —David Sedaris

This all started off in written form back when I was a kid. As an introverted only child with both parents at work most of the time, I had a lot of time to myself. So when I learned to write and that writing down my thoughts for posterity was a thing people did, I went at it myself.

I still have some of those papers which are basically just short recollections of the current day at kindergarten or elementary. Sometimes funny, oftentimes doodles of robots, I don’t think they’re particularly publishable to the internet at large, much less have an appreciative audience.

The bulk of these entries start off from high school and were largely typed on a then-modern 80386SX in plain text files (anyone remember Wordstar?) saved on 3½″ floppies. They were eventually transferred to Microsoft Word (receiving italics, boldface, tables, and proper typography in the process) and then to XHTML 1.1. They currently exist as XML-typed records in a MySQL database served through a custom PHP-based CMS. How far the times have come!

You’re welcome to comment and message me on these. However, please remember the historical context in which some posts were written. While some posts are mundane (I’ve always been my worst critic), if you read enough, you’ll notice the change in the topics, entry length, grammar and vocabulary, and tone of my writing.

If you see any typos or lapses in grammar, no need to call me out on them. I’ve probably seen them already as I was digitizing the physical copies of these entries and during their conversion from plain text to Word to XML. I’m keeping these as close as possible to their original form.

P.S. Some entries require further explanation or clarification and any editorial additions will be indicated in a box that looks like this.
P.P.S. It’s not readily apparent but there are a number of unpublished entries to this blog and large gaps of time between entries. Let me explain this briefly.

For the unpublished posts, those cover my life as a teenager full of angst and hormonal confusion from 1995 to 2000. While I initially balked at adding these, the thought of losing them won out. For purposes of posterity, these entries have been included in the database. After careful review, however, I’ve considered some of these entries to be too private for general public consumption. Maybe someday I’ll decide to eventually make them public.

As for the long hiatus between entries, I have only life to blame. While life certainly went on during the intervening periods, I just either didn’t see fit to make those entries public (for my own, as well as others’ privacy), events weren’t that important to write about, or I was just too busy at the time to write anything.

If you’re terribly curious about the more private entries, drop me a line and I’ll consider giving you access.

Graduation jitters

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Sunday, 16 February 2003. Posted in 2003

Another eon has passed since I last posted anything here. Its either I’m way too lazy to write or I’m just too busy with schoolwork. Unfortunately, the latter holds true because no matter how lazy I am, I know that I’d still find time to write even a little bit.

First of all, the pressure is killing me. Maybe I don’t show it but I assure you its there and I am getting quite anxious about finals week and graduation. Despite my attempts to keep it at bay, the big traditional question keeps popping up: what the heck am I going to do after college? No, I do not have an answer.

Classwork, Hell Month begins, dreams, and birthday greetings

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 25 January 2003. Posted in 2003

I’m just waiting around for my groupmates Ann, Jules, and Raffy to get here so we can start working on our company audit of William, Gothong, and Aboitiz, Inc. (WG&A). This mini project for our Policy Implementation class is probably going to be the best effort we’ve ever done in class and that’s saying a lot already. I don’t mean to be boastful or self-assured but we really have raised the par in the format of the reports in this class. Last semester, we started by introducing the element of fun into the discussions by having a game before the actual discussions of the company’s structure, problems, opportunities, strategies, the four matrices, a SWOT analysis, and the group’s own recommendation. Since this is the last time we’ll be reporting in class, we decided to up the ante even more by devising a scripted report, like a real news cast that would, in effect, make all our video footage look as if they were done live. If all goes well, this will really blow the socks of Mr. Sabug!

Eraserhead syndrome

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Sunday, 12 January 2003. Posted in 2003

I have a feeling that this is going to be another one of those weeks where I’m left all beat during the weekend because of so much to do and I’m left clueless as to decide which one to do first. This is going to be another 5 days of trying to survive on 3 to 4 hours of sleep per day. Haay... Can I just lay down and die yet?

Graduation fears, end of the year stuff

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Tuesday, 31 December 2002. Posted in 2002

I’m having mixed feelings what the future brings. This may be nothing more than a case of the by now, standard upcoming new year jitters but I think I’ve got reason to believe that this may be a pivotal time where every decision I make will have far-reaching consequences that I can’t even begin to fathom. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Final touches

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Thursday, 26 December 2002. Posted in 2002

I’m putting final touches to the site. This is the kind of thing that losers like myself work on in the wee hours of morning because of both boredom and lack of anything else to do or anyone to talk to. DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS. Don’t say you weren’t warned. This is a boring life.

Christmas without her

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Wednesday, 25 December 2002. Posted in 2002

I haven’t written anything for ages, this I have to admit. It’s not because there’s nothing to write or because I’m too busy or lazy since I’ve always made time for these things in the past. I guess that I’ve been feeling so tired lately. I’ve been feeling it for several months now. I know that I don’t make any sense at all. It’s just that this ache has been gnawing at me for quite some time already and its left me tired of thinking, tired of feeling anything. I’m getting tired of the rest of the world. Sleep and rest don’t take it away. This leads me to the question: Do I want it to go away? For now, I have no answers.

Coping

on Sunday, 15 April 2001. Posted in 2001

Well, its been about a week now since Kit and I broke up and I think I’m coping with it pretty well. Sure, I’m still a bit rough around the edges and thinking about still gets me a bit teary-eyed but I can control it now. I try not to think about it and I’m getting better at it. But there are times when I lie in bed and embrace my pillow and still say her name. I still want her but not as much as I used to. Maybe after the previous pains and frustrations I’ve gone through I’m getting numb to it all. Well, I hope not. I wouldn’t want to be an insensitive, stone-hearted guy after all this is done.

A look back

on Sunday, 31 December 2000. Posted in 2001

It is the year 2001 A.D. and what have we really achieved so far? Heck, lets narrow it down to what I have achieved so far. Hardly anything compared to what the giants of this century have done in their lifetimes. This was the age of atomics and electronics. This was the age that made full use of information, of knowledge passed down through the ages. This was the century that harnessed all that we could of what we knew and mixed it all into one big, unified contraption called progress.

The Road to Take

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 13 May 2000. Posted in 2000

Looking at my the date stamp on my previous entry, it has been ages since I last wrote anything in here and I’ve got a lot to tell you about so you can catch up on my life. Well, I first of all, I’m taking up advanced summer classes so that I’ll be all ready to compensate for my shifting or my plans of taking up a double major. I’m taking up FIL 14 and CHN 1 right now and they I’m doing pretty okay in both. I’m not excelling, that much is apparent but I’m not failing either.