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“If you read someone else’s diary, you get what you deserve.” —David Sedaris

This all started off in written form back when I was a kid. As an introverted only child with both parents at work most of the time, I had a lot of time to myself. So when I learned to write and that writing down my thoughts for posterity was a thing people did, I went at it myself.

I still have some of those papers which are basically just short recollections of the current day at kindergarten or elementary. Sometimes funny, oftentimes doodles of robots, I don’t think they’re particularly publishable to the internet at large, much less have an appreciative audience.

The bulk of these entries start off from high school and were largely typed on a then-modern 80386SX in plain text files (anyone remember Wordstar?) saved on 3½″ floppies. They were eventually transferred to Microsoft Word (receiving italics, boldface, tables, and proper typography in the process) and then to XHTML 1.1. They currently exist as XML-typed records in a MySQL database served through a custom PHP-based CMS. How far the times have come!

You’re welcome to comment and message me on these. However, please remember the historical context in which some posts were written. While some posts are mundane (I’ve always been my worst critic), if you read enough, you’ll notice the change in the topics, entry length, grammar and vocabulary, and tone of my writing.

If you see any typos or lapses in grammar, no need to call me out on them. I’ve probably seen them already as I was digitizing the physical copies of these entries and during their conversion from plain text to Word to XML. I’m keeping these as close as possible to their original form.

P.S. Some entries require further explanation or clarification and any editorial additions will be indicated in a box that looks like this.
P.P.S. It’s not readily apparent but there are a number of unpublished entries to this blog and large gaps of time between entries. Let me explain this briefly.

For the unpublished posts, those cover my life as a teenager full of angst and hormonal confusion from 1995 to 2000. While I initially balked at adding these, the thought of losing them won out. For purposes of posterity, these entries have been included in the database. After careful review, however, I’ve considered some of these entries to be too private for general public consumption. Maybe someday I’ll decide to eventually make them public.

As for the long hiatus between entries, I have only life to blame. While life certainly went on during the intervening periods, I just either didn’t see fit to make those entries public (for my own, as well as others’ privacy), events weren’t that important to write about, or I was just too busy at the time to write anything.

If you’re terribly curious about the more private entries, drop me a line and I’ll consider giving you access.


Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 25 March 2000. Posted in 2000

The second semester is finally over and I’ve just finished the second day of my summer vacation. It just doesn’t seem all that fun when I’m smack in the middle of something I’ve been desiring since the start of the school year. Something is holding me back and I don’t know what it is. Its right there, right there in the back of my head, the bottom of my heart, and the tip of my tongue. I just can’t put my finger on it. Its like in the Matrix, I’m searching for the answer to the question.

Hell Week part II

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Sunday, 19 March 2000. Posted in 2000

Another week has gone by and thank God I’m still alive. Yup, you heard me, I’m still pretty much the same old person I was last week. Probably a little less tired but still fatigued nonetheless. I’ve survived a whole week of looming deadlines, last-minute quizzes, and a math long test (which I failed, by the way!).

Up to date

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 11 March 2000. Posted in 2000

It’s been a little over a month since I last wrote in this journal and I’ve got a lot to bring you up to date on. Well, I’ve been downloading movie scripts for the past month and to tell you the truth, I’m addicted. There’s just something about being the director, the costume designer, the actors and the special effects committee all at the same time. There’s that natural high that comes from getting your imagination all worked up. It’s just something that you get from reading something and having all those characters act it all out in your head.

Ateneo and Going Back to School

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Friday, 14 May 1999. Posted in 1999

I just got a letter from Ateneo in the mail today and it’s about the Freshmen Orientation Seminar that they’re going to have on June 1 to 3. It has all this information about how they’re happy to receive us and that this thing will be for us all to be acquainted with one another and Ateneo itself. I just don’t like cheesy letters like this. Read it for yourself so you can understand me.

The Wedding, Hypocrisy and Lies and Gulliver’s Travels

on Tuesday, 27 October 1998. Posted in 1998

A lot’s been going on and I’m pretty okay with the pace it’s been going through. Life’s pretty good right now and I think that this third grading is going to be pretty okay. Anyway, we just came back from La Union last Sunday and I’m still pretty tired. The thing is, I really didn’t have such a great time there. I mean, sure the wedding was a special occasion, but it would have been so much better if Ju Young were there. That would have been a totally different story to tell and one that I’d pretty much like to experience as well as write about. Anyhow, I’m still pooped, but we won’t have classes this Thursday to Friday! This is great—and it’s so early. This is great. I’m going to get to catch up on my reading and studies. I’m thinking about inviting my friend Noel over to watch some videos… Well, that’s about it on that subject. On to the other, deeper stuff…

Trigonometry and a New Hope

on Friday, 02 October 1998. Posted in 1998

Things have been going pretty smoothly this week. I think that it’s looking pretty great. I’ve got a lot of things that I’ve written about and I feel that a great burden has been lifted from this weary soul of mine. I don’t know if anything miraculous happened to me, but I feel pretty good. Good enough for another week of school

Ateneo Entrance Exam, Microsoft Word 6.0, a Wedding, the Conscience and Contentment

on Friday, 02 October 1998. Posted in 1998

Things have been going pretty well for me these days. I’ve just finished the periodical exams and it seems that I’m at another crossroads in my life. I think that things are looking pretty good right now. I think my destiny is taking shape as it is. How do I know? I just do. Tomorrow, I’ll be taking the Ateneo Entrance Exam. It’s going to be in the afternoon, so I don’t have to wake up that early. I hope that I get accepted in this school, because it’s a good one and if I don’t get in U.P., this is my next choice. I’ve given it a lot of thought and Ateneo is indeed a good school. In fact, Jose Rizal, the national hero, studied in Ateneo for a few years. Whatever the outcome, I know that I would have done my best. In my opinion, that’s what counts.

Destination: Somewhere

on Saturday, 26 September 1998. Posted in 1998

Yesterday, we had this small party for my upcoming birthday. It was just as you would expect any celebration in this house. Boring. As usual, my mom fixed up a lot of food. My dad bought a lot of softdrinks, beer and other alcoholic paraphernalia. As usual, I had to smile when I didn’t feel like it and laugh when it was called for. Yup, a typical bummed-out day in my life.

More on Windows 98

on Sunday, 23 August 1998. Posted in 1998

It’s another one of those sleepy, lazy Saturdays. I don’s have much to do and it’s really bugging me. I’m no longer used to staying at home on Saturdays. I used to go to ACP training sessions during the summer and those UPCAT review sessions a few months ago. I’ve really got to find something to do one of these days.


on Saturday, 15 August 1998. Posted in 1998

This has been quite a damned week. There’s been a lot going on that I still don’t understand but I think I’m doing okay. I am finished with the Periodical Tests, UPCAT and I’m on my way to a better future. What more could I ask for? A lot. Quite a lot. Anyway, the UPCAT was a breeze. The questions weren’t that difficult but I’m a bit afraid to boast. I don’t want to temp fate into letting me down on this one thing. Anyway, life is like that. Things don’t just happen for no reason. I hope that the test results are okay and that I get into UP. That would be a big boost to my morale. And I’m a bit low on that area. Hopefully…