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Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Wednesday, 29 September 2004. Posted in 2004

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

—Lily Tomlin

Ever felt that feeling where you’ve forgotten where your stomach is actually located because its been jumping up and down because of excitement? Ever felt like your balls have magically been transported to your throat and you just want to sob out loud at the near-orgasmic tremors rippling through your body? Well, that’s probably the best way I can describe how I’m feeling right now. I’m giddy. Einstein and Gödel were wrong. I have just traveled back through time and re-transformed into a high school kid again. Of course, after being an unfortunate long-time reader of this blog, you may think me as a perpetual high school kid already.

Its my birthday. Oddly enough, I haven’t felt this good about this annually celebrated day for quite some time already. Its been probably two or three years since I last felt really good about this birthday thing. Its been more like a fiasco rather than a celebration to me the past few times. I don’t know where or how I got so cynical about it but that is how I feel about it.

The trouble with birthdays, it seems, is that it can very well put one’s life into a rather harsh perspective if one is the type of person who has rather inflated dreams of self-grandeur and triumph. One’s range of emotions pass through irritation to downright melancholy for the what-could-have-beens and I-could-have-been-greats.

The trouble with humans, in my humble opinion, is either a lack of focus or a having too fine a focal point for future goal-making. Whether this is a result of the finiteness of our being or merely a psychological condition that can be leapt beyond by mind over matter is beyond me. What I do know is that we see evidences of it throughout history. We see projects that last a fiscal year, five years, a decade or more. However, I fail to see those that will span generations, I fail to see any endeavor formulated which will test the patience of man because of the length of time that must elapse before it must come to fruition. I do not mean here to say that we transform all our future wishes into century-spanning long term plans but rather a lack of absolutely important decisions that will bring with it effects to last the rest of eternity. We lack some kind of direction, some moral, intellectual, and psycho-social compass that will change the very way we pursue the future and what the human race is to become in that very future.

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Raymond Santos Estrella

I guess I should really make a proper writeup here. Something witty or maybe a joke to add some levity. I’ll come back to this when I have time. If you have any suggested copy that I can insert here, drop me a line.

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