Yes, it is way too early to be talking about sentimental stuff again. “Shit man, it’s four in the morning!” you might be saying right now. I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Well, strictly speaking, I can. However, I will have to refuse to do so for now. I just miss her, that’s all. She sent me this message last year:
Articles tagged with: Kit
I shouldn’t be affected anymore but I am. Maybe just a little bit, I don’t know for sure. I’m sure that for a time she was happy being with me and so was I. It just seems that the past was such a big waste of time, effort, and emotion. I know I shouldn’t be regretting whatever happened. After all, I did take the plunge voluntarily. However, if you were in my position I’m sure you would understand.
Yes, I know. It’s 4am in the morning and I’m not in bed yet. I should be getting some shut-eye but I can’t seem to fall asleep at all. I tried about an hour ago but I guess I’m not tired yet. That’s why I’m here. No, nothing is bothering me. Well, not much, actually. A lot has happened the past week and you don’t see me exactly jumping for joy right now, do you? I don’t know where to start so I guess I’ll begin in chronological order.
This has been a particularly bad day. Haay… this is a long story that I’d rather not tell here. If you’re reading this, ask me about it and I’ll tell you personally. If you only knew how frustrated I am. There she was and yet she still slipped away, probably never to be heard from again.
I haven’t written anything for ages, this I have to admit. It’s not because there’s nothing to write or because I’m too busy or lazy since I’ve always made time for these things in the past. I guess that I’ve been feeling so tired lately. I’ve been feeling it for several months now. I know that I don’t make any sense at all. It’s just that this ache has been gnawing at me for quite some time already and its left me tired of thinking, tired of feeling anything. I’m getting tired of the rest of the world. Sleep and rest don’t take it away. This leads me to the question: Do I want it to go away? For now, I have no answers.
Well, its been about a week now since Kit and I broke up and I think I’m coping with it pretty well. Sure, I’m still a bit rough around the edges and thinking about still gets me a bit teary-eyed but I can control it now. I try not to think about it and I’m getting better at it. But there are times when I lie in bed and embrace my pillow and still say her name. I still want her but not as much as I used to. Maybe after the previous pains and frustrations I’ve gone through I’m getting numb to it all. Well, I hope not. I wouldn’t want to be an insensitive, stone-hearted guy after all this is done.