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Articles tagged with: love life

Untitled (for now)

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Tuesday, 17 December 2013. Posted in 2013

Here I am again exhibiting the quintessential trait of being an introvert: overthinking. If there were a contest for this kind of behavior, I’d certainly be in the running by now—if not outright winning first place by a landslide.

This piece is actually quite overdue and may be three something years in the making. I could have written all this down maybe a few months ago but then it wouldn’t be the same words or the same feeling or there would be a different glass of scotch behind these thoughts. In any case, it’s come to the point where I can’t do anything but put this down into tangible words and be done with it. Not, of course, just for the heck of it, but rather to hopefully free myself from the heaviness of it all. The years and years of keeping it all in do they take their toll and at least for this one thing, I’d like to just leave it behind once and for all. I do hope you’ll indulge me this one rare time.

The Dream

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 31 August 2013. Posted in 2013

Dream seashore

I dreamt of her last night. Or this morning. Whatever. I fell asleep at around 5am after exceeding the day’s reading quota. I woke up around 10:30am or thereabouts, stretched and groaned, booted up the PC, and then began writing this.

Early Morning Senti Stuff

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Friday, 03 September 2004. Posted in 2004

Yes, it is way too early to be talking about sentimental stuff again. “Shit man, it’s four in the morning!” you might be saying right now. I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Well, strictly speaking, I can. However, I will have to refuse to do so for now. I just miss her, that’s all. She sent me this message last year:

What If?

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 05 June 2004. Posted in 2004

Slap me silly and call me sappy but I’ve been feeling really nonchalant the past few days. I’m not really sure why, though. I just can’t shake this feeling of melancholy and lethargy that’s seems to just sap the energy out of me. Well, its either that or I’m burned out. I was at Starbucks coastal today studying. Its become quite a habit that I look forward to. Thursdays, you see, is a free day. No classes. That means twenty-four hours of time to sleep, eating unhurriedly, lounging in the bathroom, and reminiscing. It’s a day to just sit back and relax while the rest of the world whirls past me.


Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Saturday, 06 March 2004. Posted in 2004

This is odd. It may be a lack of foresight or a lack of skill on my part but I never really expected it to happen. Foresight, in my opinion, requires at the very least circumferential experience of something. By this I mean that one might not have experienced the same thing before but would have had an experience at least somewhat similar to the one in question. Well, whatever I do lack is of no moment now since I feel really shitty.

Get on with your life, I have

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Sunday, 15 February 2004. Posted in 2004

I shouldn’t be affected anymore but I am. Maybe just a little bit, I don’t know for sure. I’m sure that for a time she was happy being with me and so was I. It just seems that the past was such a big waste of time, effort, and emotion. I know I shouldn’t be regretting whatever happened. After all, I did take the plunge voluntarily. However, if you were in my position I’m sure you would understand.

I Can't Sleep

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Monday, 09 February 2004. Posted in 2004

Yes, I know. It’s 4am in the morning and I’m not in bed yet. I should be getting some shut-eye but I can’t seem to fall asleep at all. I tried about an hour ago but I guess I’m not tired yet. That’s why I’m here. No, nothing is bothering me. Well, not much, actually. A lot has happened the past week and you don’t see me exactly jumping for joy right now, do you? I don’t know where to start so I guess I’ll begin in chronological order.

The Breakup and Soulmates

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Thursday, 05 February 2004. Posted in 2004

This has been a particularly bad day. Haay… this is a long story that I’d rather not tell here. If you’re reading this, ask me about it and I’ll tell you personally. If you only knew how frustrated I am. There she was and yet she still slipped away, probably never to be heard from again.

Eraserhead syndrome

Written by Raymond Santos Estrella on Sunday, 12 January 2003. Posted in 2003

I have a feeling that this is going to be another one of those weeks where I’m left all beat during the weekend because of so much to do and I’m left clueless as to decide which one to do first. This is going to be another 5 days of trying to survive on 3 to 4 hours of sleep per day. Haay... Can I just lay down and die yet?


on Sunday, 15 April 2001. Posted in 2001

Well, its been about a week now since Kit and I broke up and I think I’m coping with it pretty well. Sure, I’m still a bit rough around the edges and thinking about still gets me a bit teary-eyed but I can control it now. I try not to think about it and I’m getting better at it. But there are times when I lie in bed and embrace my pillow and still say her name. I still want her but not as much as I used to. Maybe after the previous pains and frustrations I’ve gone through I’m getting numb to it all. Well, I hope not. I wouldn’t want to be an insensitive, stone-hearted guy after all this is done.